From LDA’s Mental Health Committee
Recently, you have likely noticed your Facebook or Instagram flooded with pictures of your friends’ children returning to school for the fall. Whether their child was going to preschool or college, photos of their child’s accomplishments and outfits for the first day back to school were posted everywhere. Parents shared how proud they are that their child is going to their alma mater or taking a leap to go to school out of state to pursue their dreams. And then there were all of the pictures showing off decorated dorm rooms or first college apartments. We all love seeing the pride these parents feel, but what about the kids who have decided that college is not for them, or they are just not ready to go away for school?
While many of our high school graduates with learning disabilities may be going to college, others are tired of school—after all, it was difficult for them, and they are tired of facing another day of challenges. They want a new start, they want to find their strengths, or they want the burden of school lifted from their shoulders. With today’s pressures, how do parents cope with the frequent questions they might get from well-meaning friends and relatives? How do parents and students talk about the paths they are taking to find their success?
Here are some factors to consider:
Needing a gap year, or two, or three
A new high school graduate may be excited about college, but is not ready to start. The old adage “If you don’t go to college right after high school, you never will go” is a false assumption for many. More and more students are choosing to postpone traditional academic plans and take a gap year or more. Some colleges and universities offer a gap year deferment. According to the Gap Year Association, 90% of students who take time off after high school enroll in college within a year. Studies have shown a correlation between taking a gap year to higher college GPAs and improved job satisfaction.
Students with learning disabilities are often not developmentally ready for college and lack the necessary executive functioning skills to tackle the academic demands of higher education. A gap year can provide an opportunity to improve those executive functioning skills, mature and gain independence, gain work and life experiences, have time to explore interests and develop a purpose for the future, as well as boost self-confidence.
College isn’t for everyone
Students with learning disabilities are often intimidated by the classroom environment, and though success is attainable with the right amount of support and accommodations, college is NOT for everyone. Individuals without college degrees are just as valuable to our society and economy as those with degrees. Career and technical programs, trade schools, or entering the workforce might be a better fit for your student. Remember, education does not always result in better earning potential.
Avoiding the comparison path
Theodore Roosevelt once said: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” You and your student are not inadequate! Providing support and understanding for your new graduate’s needs and decisions regarding attending college can contribute to their life success. Remember, children develop at different rates. Children even in the same family are very different. One may be an introvert, while another is an extrovert. One may like sports, and the other does not. Capitalize on those differences and show your child that you appreciate their differences.
Rehearse what you and your child will say to the questioners who want to know—“Why aren’t they going on to college?”
‘Where are you going to college? What will you study? Are you excited about this next chapter in your life?’ Those are all questions asked of students graduating high school and taking the next steps in their lives. The social and emotional toll it takes on a teen that isn’t going to college and to see their peers moving away and living on their own for the first time can be heartbreaking. Their journey looks different and needs to be accepted in today’s society. They should be celebrated too. It’s hard for some people to fathom that someone would not want to go to college, but in reality, not everyone chooses that path. In today’s world, there are many options for newly graduated seniors to choose from for their future that do not include going to college.
It’s essential to have a plan when visiting family or friends to prepare for the inevitable deluge of questions about college. Help guide your graduate by playing out different scenarios for when the questioning begins. If they aren’t planning on furthering their education, they can talk about a job they are applying for. Having a plan in place for any situation will help to keep your teen prepared so it does not become an anxiety-inducing event, and it can put everyone at ease.
Talk with your teen about how to handle unsolicited advice. Everyone has that one (or more) friend or family member who shares suggestions on what they think your new graduate should do with the rest of their life. “You’re good at math, you should be an accountant.” or “You’re so good at doing make-up. Have you considered cosmetology school?” It might be difficult for you or your teen, but be empowered to let the good-intentioned questioners and would-be advisors know that this is the new graduate’s journey and they will find their path.
Help Your Child Find Their Strengths and Interests
A child with a learning disability has been reminded daily of their school career and weaknesses. Those weaknesses may have been remediated, and they may have learned to compensate for them, but it was a struggle. Some days were so exhausting that they just wanted to come home and sleep. Imagine what a breath of fresh air it might be to have the time to explore your strengths. Talents may have gotten buried with all the weaknesses. The student may have always wanted to learn a new skill, so they may choose to go to a trade school, or they have always wanted to draw, and now they have some time to do that.
For some individuals, the pandemic was a chance for a creative rebirth; there were opportunities to discover what they liked to do when suddenly they were confined at home and had more time. When students graduate from school, they can find their creativity. Some students may decide they want to help others, so they may want to be an assistant in a skilled care, daycare, or school. Parents should help their children find their path to shine rather than pressuring them to do what their parent has chosen. Guidance, not pressure, is needed!
Living at Home
There may be several reasons a student might be living at home rather than moving away. The child may be easily led by peers and needs more structure and supervision. It could also have to do with the financial impact on the student and the family. Parents may want to assist the teen financially to live away from home, but they cannot afford it. One of the parents or a sibling may have serious medical needs that have caused a strain on their budget. They don’t want to go into debt for additional expenses.
In some households, the child may need to assist with the caregiving of a grandparent living in the home, or a parent requiring extra help. Maybe the child needs to drive other family members where they need to be. They may gain a sense of purpose or contribute to the betterment of their family. Such traits should be recognized as positive.
Many paths await our students. Celebrate and be proud of the path that your child takes.
