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Mental Health

Life Success Attributes for Children with Learning Disabilities: Emotional Coping Strategies

Introduction

The Frostig Center in Pasadena, California conducted a twenty-year longitudinal study into attributes that might predict life success for children with learning disabilities. Their fundamental question was “What factors contribute to success for individuals with learning disabilities?” Success was broadly defined to include quality friendships, healthy family relations, positive self-esteem, job satisfaction, physical and mental health, financial independence, spiritual fulfillment, and an overall sense of meaning in life. Their research revealed six life success attributes: 1) self-awareness, 2) proactivity, 3) perseverance, 4) goal-setting, 5) presence and use of support systems, and 6) emotional coping strategies. The research also indicated these six attributes might have a greater influence on life success than even such factors as academic achievement, socio-economic status, gender, and even intelligence quotient (IQ). This “information sheet” explores the final attribute and suggests strategies for development.

What are Emotional Coping Strategies?

A successful adult with learning disabilities who has developed emotional coping strategies is effective at coping with and/or reducing stress and frustration. The components of successful coping include:

1) awareness of situations that trigger stress,
2) recognition of developing stress, and
3) use of coping strategies.

What are Some Strategies for Developing Emotional Coping Strategies?

1. Identify your child’s primary love languages using Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages of Children or similar resource. The love languages include: 1) words of affirmation, 2) physical touch, 3) quality time, 4) acts of service, and 5) gifts. Recognize how your child’s love language might differ from your own and honor their love language(s).

2. Develop patience - in yourself and in your child. Individuals with learning disabilities are often delayed in one or more major life area (cognitive, social, emotional, etc) by as much as one-third of their chronological age. For example, a fifteen-year old might be exhibiting the social behaviors of a child between the ages of ten or fourteen. The challenges related to such “immaturity” are obvious. A key to dealing with such situations is your reaction. In the end, patience is the only helpful response to this developmental issue. Maturation will come with time. All of the pushing, prodding, yelling, and anxiety in the world will not speed the process. Your willingness to demonstrate patience might even help your child to develop the same. They are embarrassed and frustrated by this developmental lag more often than you realize. The shame resulting from these experiences and others are one of the most significant obstacles for some adults with learning disabilities.

3. Develop your listening skills. Parents could benefit from listening a little more and asking clarification questions as necessary. One realization is the concerns of childhood are different than those of adulthood. Honor the concerns of childhood by being a better listener. Likewise, be prepared to sometimes question what “you think you heard.” The line of communication stays open when the parent asks for clarification rather than makes an accusation. This strategy can even be helpful for correcting a child when, for example, a foul word is spoken. The parent offers correction just by asking, “Did I just hear you say…?” This gives the child the opportunity to apologize without the encounter escalating into an unhealthy interaction.

4. Help your child develop relaxation skills. Two simple techniques are controlled breathing and body part tense-relax technique. Such skills can be utilized during stress-producing events such as test-taking. Mel Levine, a noted authority on learning, states “tension and anxiety too often compromise the learning experience.” Relaxation is one strategy to counter those effects.

5. Be sensitive to the transition issues (including anxiety) that arise for many youth with learning disabilities. Help prepare them for transition issues of all types. Provide countdowns or “time warnings” as necessary before the end of one event and the start of the next. Definitely help prepare them for major transitions like the move from elementary to middle school or middle school to high school. This could include the walking of the new school, introduction to key school personnel, determine the “best” route between classes, location of school locker, and more. A copy of text books could even be requested for the purpose of survey or familiarization.

6. Develop strategies that avoid areas of weakness. The mother or father exasperatedly proclaiming, “If I have told you once, I have told you a thousand times…” might wonder if their child has auditory issues that might be influencing the situation. If so, then it might be healthier for all parties to write down the guideline or request to avoid the area of weakness.

7. Some children with learning disabilities are also “strong-willed” by nature. Consider these strategies for the strong-willed child: 1) choose your battles - do not make everything non-negotiable, 2) lighten up - but do not let up, 3) ask more questions - issue fewer orders, 4) utilize more action and less anger.

8. Rick Lavoie, a noted expert in learning disabilities, shares this strategy related to the “social autopsy.” When a social interaction has gone horribly wrong or wonderfully right, analyze it using the following formula.

Step 1 - Identify the Social Error
Step 2 - Discover the Cause of the Error
Step 2 - Determine the Damage, and
Step 4 - Prevent Re-occurrence.

9. Teach your child the strategy of a “personal time-out.” When they are beginning to feel “out of control” allow them to call for a “personal time-out.” This gives them an opportunity to collect their emotions and then re-engage in a more controlled manner. If discussion gets toover heated, a parent can also call a “time-out” and ask that the meeting re-convene at a later time.

10. Family members can also use “code words” to describe behavior that is escalating or energy spiraling out of control. Such code words or phrases are as simple as “calf rope” or “Goofey’s coming” accomplish the same as an emotionally-charged, “Hey, cool it. Didn’t I tell you to settle down!”

LDA of America Mental Health Committee 2009